Local headline writers are calling this Boston’s “Mega-Summer” due to the confluence of the Tall Ships coming to the harbor, all the American 250 hoo-ha, and the World Cup flop fest kicking off nearby.
Considering the wretched traffic, tourist mobs and price-gouging coming to a boil during the swelter-fest promised by El Nino, maybe “Mega-Bummer” would be more apt.
But our trademark negativity must compete with the city’s new marketing catchphrase rolled out last month by a gaggle of well-meaning politicians and businesspeople: “You Can’t Beat Boston.”
The “YCBB” campaign comes complete with a beer, which we haven’t sampled, and a song, which we have. (We wanted to analyze the lyrics but they’re virtually unintelligible.) It’s all supposed to help persuade young talent and investors to do their business here and quit bolting for greener pastures.
But it’s unclear what you can’t beat Boston at. Certainly not basketball, hockey, football, baseball, affordable housing development and capitalizing on the AI revolution. Of the latter, Babson College management expert Peter Cohan notes “our problem is talent being drawn magnetically to the place where it's all happening. That's California, not here.”
Globe columnist Larry Edelman points out that the recent exodus of jobs and residents makes the presumptuous “YCBB” slogan “ripe for ridicule.” But while we love fresh fruit, we won’t indulge. Instead, here are some positive alternatives to sub in when “YCBB” drops to the Gillette Stadium turf after a phantom foul, writhing in agony:
The MVP of city slogans is the Las Vegas catchphrase “What Happens Here Stays Here.” Witty, candid about its “Sin City” appeal, timeless. Maybe Boston should lean into its exodus problem with a mutation of the Vegas slogan that plays off our stature as a place the world comes to learn and innovate: “What Happens Here Goes Everywhere.” If that makes people wonder what makes Boston such a successful incubator, excellent; let them come and find out, and bring their wallets.
Other places promote their leading crops; Idaho, prosaically, touts its “Famous Potatoes”; steak-happy Omaha, Nebraska does better with “Rare. Well Done.” It’s clunky, but “Boston: We Grow Brains” makes the point. And you could connect our brand as a foodie paradise with an ancient Boston stereotype: “Boston: Chowder Down.”
We’ve been using our blue state bona fides as a promotional tool for awhile, touting Massachusetts as a haven for gay marriage and abortion rights. If in fact there’s a market for political contrast, let’s exploit it by promoting the notion that this is “Where Freedom Still Rings.”
San Francisco seems to be repairing its image, but with cities like LA, New York and Chicago struggling to project livability, there’s an opening for us. Depending on where you’re targeting the marketing, try variations of “I Love NY, But I Married Boston.”
And while YCBB is built on some shaky assertions, there’s one area where we consistently whip most competitor cities: drinking. No wonder the YCBB campaign has its own IPA. The whole “we’re a drinking town with a [fill in the blank] problem” thing is overdone. So with closing time slipping to 3 a.m. - the better to siphon every last dime from the tourist invasion and beleaguered residents - let’s borrow a line from the Tower of Power classic “Down To The Nightclub” and charm outsiders with our candor: “Boston: If You’ve Got the Dough, the Liquor Will Flow.”
