The Massachusetts Lottery – unofficial slogan: “Ripping off Bay Staters since 1972” – is a mystery wrapped in a conundrum served with extra enigma sauce.
However exploitative of gambling addicts, it is voluntary taxation that generates badly-needed revenue for cities and towns at a level that dwarfs the take from casinos and sports betting. Treasurer Deb Goldberg told legislators last month the Lottery is on pace for a sixth consecutive fiscal year of net profit greater than $1 billion. The imminent arrival of online Lottery games will add to the kitty.
But there are warning lights flashing on the Lottery dashboard.
Cannibalization by other gambling options remains a threat. Scratch ticket sales, a Lottery staple, were off by nearly six percent in November, down 2.2% year-to-year. The gross here from national games like Powerball and Mega Millions was down by $159 million until a couple of mammoth recent jackpots goosed sales. “Lotteries across the country are facing increasing unpredictability of multi-state game sales driven by large jackpots,” said Goldberg.
As long as folks feel the need for companionship, booze and easy access to Devil Dogs, Keno in bars and parlors will likely continue to rake in the dough. But the state will need to get more creative about extracting their hard-earned dollars as time goes by and sports betting continues to expand.
So here are some ideas for new Lottery games, offered free of charge and any sense of social ethics. As the Lottery likes to say in its Numbers Games ads: “Everybody has a number, play yours!”
* The 6-7 Game
Drawn from the latest meaningless kid phrase designed to perplex adults, these scratch tickets offer a fat payout to anyone who can match six of the seven numbers printed on each card, a virtual impossibility. Second-chance bonus: offer your used ticket to a teenage girl and receive a free slap in the face. Ha ha, you should have consulted the Urban Dictionary first!
* Metabucks
Hit three or more of your chosen numbers in this game and win a share of Meta stock, currently worth $685. Not bad, eh? But hold on – you’ve been Zuckerberged! The share is specifically tied to profits from his $77 billion Meta-bomb product The Metaverse, of which there are none.
* What Are You, Stupid?
These scratchers have a dirty non-secret – only one of the five million printed each year is a winner, a fact stated clearly on the ticket. You wanted instant gratification, but got instant humiliation. Say thank you.
* Cash Downfall
Modeled after the long-defunct Cash Windfall game, which infamously turned out to be easily manipulated by retirees and local college students, this one turns the tables by scamming the player into thinking they’ve won when their numbers match. Through a clever process designed by those same college kids (now grown-up DOGE veterans), the ink on the tickets interacts with oxygen and changes the numbers to losers as you wait to cash in. But you’re helping your community buy that new fire truck, so no hard feelings, right?
These are just a few thoughts to help the good folks at Lottery headquarters get going on the next generation of tools to separate the suckers…er, citizens from their money. By all means, help yourselves, there’s no pride of ownership here.
Come to think of it, no pride of any kind.