Turkey comes in many forms: intact on your table, thereafter in a hash, club sandwich, Rachel, or if you’re in the Louisville area, as part of a “hot brown,” an open-face turkey recycling served with bacon and – gak – mornay sauce.
That sounds disgusting. Then again, we’re the home of the Fluffernutter.
Speaking of local traditions, it’s time for our annual turkeys of the year, an unwanted recognition of some of the year’s local public-policy flops. Keep copies of this list handy – when Uncle Maga and Cousin NoKings start in over dinner, you might be able to change the subject with this:
· THE CANDY TAX (sic)
Was Gov. Maura Healey’s proposal to extend the state sales tax to candy a…new tax on candy? “Hell no; no, no, no, no, no,” insisted Healey, which an alert copy editor would have crossed out and replaced with “yes.” It’s not that the state doesn’t need every dime it can grab. But the Kit Kat non-tax-tax would have brought in only an estimated $25 million; instead, it yielded twice that in negative headlines for Healey until House Speaker Ron Mariano pronounced it DOA. A candy that tastes like turkey – the perfect finish to a hot brown lunch. (Washed down with Moxie?)
· THE SOCCER SHAKEDOWN
At least the Reese’s revenue would have covered Healey’s request for $20 million to help amuse thousands of soccer fans due here next June for a bunch of World Cup games in Foxboro, laughably hyped as the equivalent of “seven Super Bowls.” In the wake of the Boston 2024 Olympics debacle, the local donor class is unsurprisingly more interested in branding with 250th birthday events like the Tall Ships in favor of yet another international sports agency with a history of corruption trying to shake us down. Instead of infusing scarce resources into this turkey, why not give the dough to UMass Amherst instead, so they can go out and buy a winning football team?
· THE WAR OVER HANSCOM
Speaking of the local non-Olympics, if there’s anyone who knows when and how to walk away from a public-relations nightmare, it’s new Massport chief Rich Davey, who survived hellish stints at the T and Boston 2024. His opportunity to stick a fork in another egregious turkey – the scheme to triple Hanscom Field’s private jet capacity drawing massive pushback from area residents, environmentalists and state regulators – is fast approaching, with the developers poised to make another run at it. Do Davey and Healey really give a damn about cutting the greenhouse gases that private jets belch so prolifically? Warns Sen. Michael Barrett: “There is no way you can put in a whole bunch of essentially garages for private jets and still claim ever again…to be concerned about climate.”
· UNINSPIRED SYMBOLS
Look! It’s a rafter of turkeys trotting through the State House! No, just the three uninspiring finalists for a new state seal that a statewide call for entries yielded this year. We’d describe them to you but we forgot what they look like. Unfortunately, we can’t unsee the three finalists for a new state flag, which look like wall hangings on a cheap hotel room in the Bahamas. Because the three Republicans running for governor have chosen to make a fuss about these state symbols being replaced at all, nothing is likely to happen, an early frontrunner for the happiest headline of the new year.
· AN EMPTY PLATE
Remember the empty picture frame Healey mounted conspicuously in her office as “a reminder of those who aren’t always reflected or heard in the halls of power”? There it sat for more than two years, virtue signaling but failing by any account to do much for the marginalized. It has now been banished to the reception area, replaced by a portrait of wealthy Revolutionary-era businessman Samuel Adams, who never failed to be heard. But the empty frame can still be useful. “When people come into this office, I want them to envision themselves in that frame,” Healey once said. Perhaps those three Republican hopefuls should schedule a pilgrimage. It might be as close as they get.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!